a random collection

Oh how I love this boy.

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the goings on

A family picture on Easter

So an update on our life. Mostly right now we're consumed with the idea of sleeping while the actual act seems to slip farther and farther from our grasp. This kid sleeps worse now than he did as a brand newborn. Like, 45 minutes at a time and then waking and refusing to go back to sleep without eating. I realize this is absolutely my fault as I spent much of his first few months letting him sleep in my arms for naps and letting him fall asleep while nursing for nighttime sleep. What a sweet thing I thought it was! How was I to know this was a bad idea until it was too late?  His first few months he slept longer and longer and even hit seven hours straight one time! And then, it abruptly ended. First time mom problems. Our next baby will be a champion sleeper! I vow!

Anyway, we have been trying some tips from The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (recommended by Angela, whose book recommendations are always spot on. I read everything she recommends! Thanks Angela) before we try the cry it out method. I'm not sure I can resort to that method without trying other things first. I know every mother hates the idea of listening to her child scream and not doing anything about it, but I think I really might have a permanent emotional breakdown if I have to. Not to be confused with the more common and less permanent emotional breakdowns I frequently have due to lack of sleep. Oh my poor husband. But anyway, for now, this is right for our little family, to try this way.

Really, though, one gets used to no sleep and the occasional three hour stretch this baby grants us feels like a huge gift! And we've seen some small signs of progress toward a full night since reading the book. I would be happy with just a night where every stretch was at least two hours. Low expectations are more likely to be met, right?

Aaaaaand, I really can't think of anything else to report. Literally, sleep or the lack thereof is everything right now. Tell me one day I'll sleep again?

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my boy

     

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four months

The older this little man gets, the more I worry about my inadequacies as a mother. There have been so many moments when I've questioned myself or felt like a proper mother would have done something differently than I did. There have been a couple of times when my glaring failures have brought me to tears. I am guessing (hoping) that this is pretty typical for a new mom. It's just that I am so lucky to have this boy in my life. It's a blessing I don't deserve and such a great responsibility that it overwhelms me sometimes. He is so smart and observant and curious and tender-hearted. I want to give him the world or at the very least, help him grow up to be healthy and happy. The possibility that I might not be everything he needs or deserves kills me. And yet, every day my baby greets me with genuine happiness. Every day it seems he learns something new. Every day I feel like my instincts get better. Every day I am so glad to be his mother. No matter my faults, no one could love him like I do.

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a series

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an unexciting list

Thank you, Jannifer, for the darling bear hoodie!

I've been very bad at blogging anything other than "oh I love my baby so much!" Even though it's true, it's kind of boring for anyone besides Sam and me. And maybe Carter's grandmothers. So, an update about life besides baby.

We had Sam's parents and sister and brother-in-law over for Conference weekend, which was wonderful. It's always so fun to see them. Sam's family feels just like mine, laughing and teasing and generally having fun. The actual Conference talks were pretty amazing, too, particularly President Uchtdorf's. I think it was just for me as I have a hard time letting go of a few times I've been wronged in the past. But now I think I have the courage (with help) to let them go and forgive. Because I'm just as in the wrong as anyone else in this world, right? We're all sinners, begging for the mercy of God.

Let's see, what else is new. Carter and I go on a lot of walks, which is fun. We only have one car and Sam usually has it at work so I've been trekking all over town with the stroller to get errands done. Yesterday we walked to a sewing shop to get some buttons for a shirt I purchased at a thrift store (a darling polka dot blouse with ugly shell buttons that begged to be replaced). It was 20 blocks round trip and I didn't remember there is a closer sewing shop only 8 blocks round trip until I got home. Ah well. Exercise.

Speaking of polka dot blouses, I tried to make my own using this tutorial for polka dot pants. Unfortunately, the blouse I used (seen here) was way too thin of a material and when I accidentally moved the shirt from the newspaper underneath while it was still wet, it came down in the wrong spots and there were smudges of black paint everywhere. Also after I tried to salvage it and let it dry, the newspaper stuck to the shirt and wouldn't come off. It got tossed in the garbage. Craft fail.

In grosser news (seriously, you may want to skip this paragraph), I have lost my big toenail on my right foot. I dropped a heavy bowl directly on it the week before Carter was born, which hurt worse than childbirth, I'm pretty sure. It's looked bruised and/or dead ever since and finally last week had started to come off. Yesterday I numbed it in ice water and Sam pulled the last bit off with pliers. So romantic. And just in time for sandal season.

These trivial updates are really all I have. This is why I basically only gush about my baby. I mean, really, he's way more entertaining than anything else I've got going on. Especially with bear ears.

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three months

This kid. He can be the sweetest, happiest, funniest thing I've ever seen. His smiles make me smile like nothing else can. Our conversations are hilarious. Snuggling with him is the best. His mood can change in an instant, though, and suddenly he is done being accommodating. His toys at which he so happily kicked and laughed are suddenly torture to him. His cries are occasionally piercing and his sad little face is both heartbreaking and intensely funny. 

This kid. His personality is actually rather serious, for all his smiles. Since birth he has been extremely observant and contemplative. He no longer sleeps through his walks and other outings but will gaze around him at all the exciting newness of things. 

This kid. He loves us. It is so obvious and so wonderful. We love him more than we ever thought possible. The best three months of our lives.

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this motherhood thing

Just stopping in mostly to proclaim that this. is. the. life.

My feelings about being this little boy's mother (who is new to the stay at home thing as well as the mom thing) are many and all encompassing and I might attempt to write them but one of my favorite bloggers, Natalie Holbrook, has already written exactly how I feel so beautifully that I will just direct you HERE.

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smiling

This is my extremely moody baby, smiling and cooing at the beginning, crying one minute later.

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two months

Carter turned two months old yesterday. Sam and I couldn't be more in love with him. I wonder when we will stop oohing and ahhing over everything he does? For now, every new expression and noise he makes causes us to look at each other and exclaim how cute he is. 

We blessed him this month, which was amazing. I started crying before it even started. 

He had his first cold which freaked me out at first but then we all lived through it and now I feel like having a sick kid is old hat. We did have to take him to the pediatrician to make sure it wasn't RSV (it was not, thank goodness) and while we were there, they heard a heart murmur for the first time. So then we had to go to the cardiologist and take some very expensive tests to find out that everything is normal. I suppose the peace of mind was worth it. Plus he handled those tests like a champ.

He has also learned to smile and coo! It is the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life. He absolutely knows my voice and responds with a smile. Sam's too. I can't believe I could love this little baby so much.

Not that every day is perfect. Some days he is randomly fussy and some days he doesn't want to go to bed til midnight and some nights he wakes up four or five times and I get so tired that I cry and Sam has to take him so I can sleep uninterrupted for more than an hour. But right when I'm so tired, he will suddenly stop eating and look up at me and giggle and it melts my heart completely.

Two months is so much older than a brand new baby and that makes me a little sad but luckily he gets more fun every day so I guess it's ok. I'll keep him.

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