May 2, 2012

four months



The older this little man gets, the more I worry about my inadequacies as a mother. There have been so many moments when I've questioned myself or felt like a proper mother would have done something differently than I did. There have been a couple of times when my glaring failures have brought me to tears. I am guessing (hoping) that this is pretty typical for a new mom. It's just that I am so lucky to have this boy in my life. It's a blessing I don't deserve and such a great responsibility that it overwhelms me sometimes. He is so smart and observant and curious and tender-hearted. I want to give him the world or at the very least, help him grow up to be healthy and happy. The possibility that I might not be everything he needs or deserves kills me. And yet, every day my baby greets me with genuine happiness. Every day it seems he learns something new. Every day I feel like my instincts get better. Every day I am so glad to be his mother. No matter my faults, no one could love him like I do.

2 comments:

mary 5/2/12, 6:12 PM  

Expressed so beautifully. I would love to say that seven years of mothering has made me more confident - and I suppose it has in many respects - but I still find myself feeling exactly as you described pretty much every day. But nobody could love these babies the same way, so I am glad they are mine. I just hope I don't ruin them.

P.S. he is beautiful.

Anonymous,  5/2/12, 9:18 PM  

You, my darling daughter, are a beautiful mother - You make me happy as I watch you parent. It all comes together and you are doing wonderful things. I'm so glad you love my grandson like you do. There is no one in the world who could do it better for him than you. I love you honey. Love, Mom

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